


selfish

by futazuki



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Post-Break Up, jeongyeon has zero idea, nayeon tried her best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:15:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futazuki/pseuds/futazuki
Summary: They could go back to what they were, can't they?
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Myoui Mina/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	selfish

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> This is my first time writing a fic and it was inspired by a Chinese song called 不做你的朋友 by S.H.E
> 
> It's a pretty old song but yeah! If you can go give it a listen. I didn't really run through my words because I wasn't feeling great, so I kinda just word-vomited. I do hope that you can enjoy it at least a little bit though! Forgive me if there are any mistakes. I really didn't think through while writing this.
> 
> Imported from aff under my pseud DoubleMoon

_“Where _is this woman…”__

____

____

Im Nayeon grumbles, sitting at a café waiting for someone. Her chestnut hair is let loose in natural waves, outfit just a plain white t-shirt plus faded denim jeans; yet her fair features and that heart-shaped smile could turn heads whenever, she wasn’t the prom queen in college for nothing.

Feeling bored, she casually winks at a decent looking guy who walks past, then proceeds to tap furiously on her phone.

**Princess Nayeonnie (EW) 12:36PM ******

********

_Yoo Jeongyeon, whr tf r u!! ___

****____ ** **

****____ ** **

**Yooooo SouljaBoyTellEm 12:37PM ******

************ ** **

_I’ll b there in 5 more mins ok ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

_Its NOT my fault im late!!! Istg it was my cats ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

_Will get u ur fav cake ltr in return ;) ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

Nayeon groans as she receives the text. She’s been waiting for at least half an hour since they planned to meet at 12. Well at least there’s free cake.

************ ** **

“Are you alright? You seem... down.”

************ ** **

She snapped her head up in surprise. _Oh. It’s that cute guy from earlier. ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

Still slightly taken aback from the approach, Nayeon simply blinked in response.

************ ** **

“Oh, uh, allow me to introduce myself,” He extends his right hand. “My name is Jinyoung, can I get a drink for a pretty lady like you? I saw you from across that table.”

************ ** **

Nayeon was a born flirt, and yes, she gets the guys almost every time with just one single eye contact. But she wasn’t in the mood to deal with men today.

************ ** **

“Uhm _actually _, I have-” She was about to reject him straight up when someone wraps their hand around her waist and pulls her close.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“She has a date. With me.” Nayeon could feel warm breath against her right ear as the person interjects her reply. She could recognize that voice anywhere. Yoo Jeongyeon. She struggles within the clutch on her waist but Jeongyeon just brings her in tighter.

************ ** **

Jinyoung stares at them in confusion. “Wait then why did she-”

************ ** **

“Yeah yeah okay we heard you, now stop disturbing us, we’ve got a date.” Jeongyeon waves her hand indignantly as she placed extra emphasis on her last word, successfully getting the guy to back off in defeat.

************ ** **

As they watch him walk away, his back slouching, Nayeon frees herself from Jeongyeon and turns to glare at the taller woman. _Too close. _“HEY. I could have handled that myself. And how did you even know I didn’t want him here? He was pretty cute.” She folds her arms in annoyance.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Oh _really _,” Jeongyeon mirrors Nayeon’s action. “You’re finally moving on huh, it’s time you get yourself a quality man from a random brunch café.”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

She gets a loud smack on her arm in return, and a few diners turned over to look. “Ow! OK fine! I was joking!” Rubbing her arm, they both take a seat with Nayeon still side-eyeing Jeongyeon. “You had that look on your face, it was so obvious. The _oh-gosh-disgustang _face. I know you too well to not notice that, Nabongs.”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

Nayeon rolls her eyes, then finally faces Jeongyeon fully as she regards her in detail. _Did her hair grow slightly longer? It used to be above her collarbone, but now it’s near her chest. Black corduroy jacket and ripped jeans? UGH why does she have to look so good in them-” ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

“-yeon. IM NAYEON. Hey!” Jeongyeon snaps her fingers in front of that pretty frowning face. “Earth to Im Nabongs!” She continues in a sing-song voice.

************ ** **

“Uh- What? Shut up I was just thinking about something!”

************ ** **

“Judging by that stare I’m a hundred percent sure you were thinking about how good I look.”

************ ** **

“WAS NOT!” _How does she know EVERYTHING? ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

Nayeon wasn’t going to back down on this. She’s a teaser. _Not _the teased.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Says the one who’s been ogling at me ever since she got here.”

************ ** **

************ ** **

“It’s not my fault you look good…” Jeongyeon’s face flushed red as she glances away.

************ ** **

_Wait. She actually was? _Surprised, Nayeon clears her throat to lighten the mood. “So, how about you get me that cake you promised?”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

Upon hearing that, Jeongyeon whips her head back. “Of course, anything for my best friend.” Grinning lopsidedly, she makes her way to the counter.

************ ** **

_Best friend, huh? _Nayeon forces a tight-lipped smile, feeling that slight pang in her chest. They’ve known each other for the longest time, they’ve progressed from strangers to best friends to lovers… Then back to best friends. Well not exactly lovers; they were just dating, but Nayeon had hoped for it to become more. She hated herself for making that decision a year ago. Why did she ever agree to it?__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

_“I… Nayeon. I’m sorry. I don’t think this is gonna work out.”_

********__** ** ** **

********__** ** ** **

“Why? We make a great couple-”

************ ** **

“I love you, but I love you as a friend. It just doesn’t feel right, I thought it did mean something but after realizing that I had fallen in love with her, it just proves that I never felt the same as you did.”

************ ** **

“…”

************ ** **

“But we’re still best friends right? You do understand where I’m coming from, do you?” __

********__** ** ** **

********__** ** ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

She could still remember the way Jeongyeon held her hands, the way she peered into her eyes, it was a gentle as ever. But the expression she had was heartbreaking. It was full of pity. She knew they probably wouldn’t last, but it was worth a try. _Ok now she knows it wasn’t worth. _Memories were hard to forget, she tried going back to what they were and it never worked. Not that Jeongyeon knows. Ever since then she just pretended that everything had gone back to normal, they were simply back to being best friends. _No, who was she kidding? They weren’t. _At least not for Nayeon. Her feelings lingered, but she had to act fine whenever they met. It’s lucky Nayeon used to major in drama, no one could tell she was acting differently. Although Jeongyeon was good at reading her emotions, she couldn’t possibly understand the despair and agony of someone who carries one sided feelings that would never bear fruit.____

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

Despite the fact that almost a year had passed, it was almost as if Jeongyeon was trying to make up to her by treating her nicer than ever. Or maybe Nayeon just couldn’t take how she treats her the way she used to; with utmost care and consideration, like the thoughtful person she is. It just hurts more knowing that she regards everyone else equally, that what Jeongyeon had for her was really nothing more than pure friendship. Brushing away the dull ache in her chest, Nayeon put on her usual façade as she saw Jeongyeon coming back with a plate in her hand.

************ ** **

“Here you go,” Jeongyeon settles the plate with a clink. “your favourite Mont Blanc.”

************ ** **

Nayeon cuts a huge slice of the cake as soon as she laid eyes on it. She shuts her eyes in bliss, she loves sweet things, especially this heavenly creation. Ready to take another bite, she leans forward and realizes Jeongyeon was watching her the whole time with quirked lips. Nayeon loved- loves many things about this gorgeous woman before her. Including that god-damned smile.

************ ** **

************ ** **

_Why do I keep doing this to myself. ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

Im Nayeon says no to a lot of things, but Yoo Jeongyeon is one person she couldn’t refuse no matter what. Which is precisely what led her to this state of unbearable pain of being a best friend. She’s tortured every time Jeongyeon’s little quirks that only she notices show up; the lopsided grin, that tiny pout of hers, and the way her eyes glisten with stars when she sees something she loves, _just like how it is right now _, even if it wasn’t directed at her, but at-__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Mina!” Jeongyeon beams as she stands up. “You’re here, what took you so long?”

************ ** **

A black-haired woman welcomes Jeongyeon’s embrace, then turns to nod at Nayeon with elegant features. “You must be Nayeon, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

************ ** **

Nayeon regards her carefully, then puts on her most dazzling smile. “It’s so good to finally meet you! I’m so tired of this woman ranting on and on about this mysterious Mina.” She complains half-jokingly, but no one would know the truth since she’s so great at pretending. And also because Jeongyeon was basically swooning ever since Mina’s arrival to notice. Jeongyeon had been dating Mina for months, and she always wanted the both of them to meet, but Nayeon kept finding excuses to decline because _why would she ever want to be acquainted with the love of her life’s love of her life? _Though eventually, she runs out of last-minute work meetings or corporate trips to cover her not-so-busy schedules, so voila, here she is, face to face with the Myoui Mina that she can never match-up to. Nayeon wonders what Mina has that she doesn’t.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

Jeongyeon laces her fingers between Mina’s as they settle down opposite Nayeon in the awfully cozy seat. Just when Nayeon thought things couldn’t get anymore worse, Jeongyeon starts talking about- about whatever. It was basically just Mina, Mina, Mina... Sometimes she wonders why she became friends with such a dense person. Jeongyeon regards Mina with those eyes as she spoke, the ones that will never be directed at Nayeon, even in her dreams. Her eyes were shining galaxies overflowing with adoration, the ones Nayeon bore towards her, even until now.

************ ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

_I can’t do this. ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

************ ** **

Realizing how pathetic she was being, she stands abruptly. “I’m going to the toilet.” She takes large strides towards the exit, disregarding the other two’s puzzled expressions.

************ ** **

“Nayeon! That’s not where the toilet is- Hey! Where are you going?” Jeongyeon glances in the direction, then back to Mina. “Uh there’s _definitely _something off. Wait here okay?” She clamors out of the seat, then heads towards Nayeon.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Hey.” Jeongyeon grabs Nayeon’s wrist after following her to the main streets. “What happened? This is certainly not the way to the toilet.” Seeing that Nayeon didn’t react, she switches to a serious tone. “Did I do something wrong? Did _Mina _do something wrong?”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

Nayeon spins to face those brown orbs filled with concern. _Why does it have to be Jeongyeon? Millions of people in the world and I fall in love with my best friend who’s in love with someone else. _Her heart stung. Her eyes, too.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

“No, there’s nothing wrong at all. I just need some air.”

************ ** **

“You could’ve just said so, how could you just leave in the middle of our conversation-”

************ ** **

“You mean _your _conversation.”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“What?”

************ ** **

************ ** **

Nayeon scoffs. “Please, I didn’t even need to be there for it to continue. You probably wouldn’t have noticed if I left my seat without saying anything.”

************ ** **

_“What? _That’s not true!” Jeongyeon exclaims in exasperation. “Are you jealous? She's my girlfriend, and you're my best friend! You can't just compare- Why are you being so difficult right now? Mina had to free up her plans just for today because you were never available! She was so excited to meet you, she even canceled her appointments just to-”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Let me guess, accommodate to _my _schedules?” Nayeon loses her patience. Her eyes were brimming on the edge, and she was trying _very _hard to not break down right there and then. She didn’t lose it at how Jeongyeon called her difficult, because she is a difficult person. She lost it when Jeongyeon seemed to just pin everything on her when she was the one that agreed to maintain this stupid friendship of theirs that should never have continued.____

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

“ _I _made up excuses to postpone this as long as I could. Yoo Jeongyeon, please. Just stop. You didn’t understand it a year ago and you never will.”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“Why would you- Is… Is this about Mina? I thought we were okay- I thought _you _were okay. We talked it out didn’t we? I’m sorry if-”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

“No, It’s not.” Nayeon sighs in defeat. “It never was. It was always you. I thought I could, but I can’t do this anymore.” Tears roll down her cheeks as she drooped her head.

************ ** **

************ ** **

Nayeon continues as Jeongyeon stares speechless.

************ ** **

“I thought I could go back to the best friends we were, I really tried, I did. But I still _love _you, and- and that will never go away. I know I should be happy for you but I just can’t bring myself to see you being so intoxicated with someone that’s not _me _. I know it’s selfish, but I want you to look at me the way you looked at _her _, just like the way I look at you.”______

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

“But-” Jeongyeon stammers, genuinely apologetic. “Oh god I’m so sorry I never realized…” She takes a step towards Nayeon, hands reaching out.

************ ** **

Yet Nayeon backs away, leaving her wide-eyed. “Don’t apologize. _Please. _It just makes it worse, it’s not your fault that I can’t let go. I shouldn’t have given in to you, I should have just left. It hurts that you’re not in love with me but it hurts more when I have to pretend to not love you.”__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

She could feel the sympathy in Jeongyeon’s gaze, the same gaze she had when she told her she was in love with Mina. It made Nayeon feel fragile and miserable.

************ ** **

“Nayeon… I never meant to make you feel this way. I really did enjoy the times we spent together, you’re an irreplaceable friend to me and I can’t bear to lose you, I thought it would be the best if we could go back to the way we were-”

************ ** **

“I don’t need this recognition- this _confession _about how I matter. I don’t want your pity and I don’t need you trying to squeeze me in your heart when it fully belongs to someone else.” Nayeon’s breath hitches. “I hate this, I _hate _how you still treat me the way I love, every time you do the things that make my heart race it just breaks me more knowing you’ll never share even just a tiny piece of how I feel.”____

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

********_____ _ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

She walks towards Jeongyeon, lowering her head to rest it against her chest. Jeongyeon doesn’t move when Nayeon's fingers bury themselves in the edges of her jacket.

************ ** **

************ ** **

“And you’ll never hold me the way you hold her,” Nayeon tilts her head up towards that pair of eyes that she can never get enough of, even if they were filled with sorrow.

************ ** **

“I can’t. Not then, not now. I can’t be your _friend _.” She whispered, voice dry.__

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

************ ** **

_I’m doing myself a favor. ___

********____ ** ** ** **

********____ ** ** ** **

And for the first and last time, she lets go.

************ ** **

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter/Instagram: @futazuki


End file.
